


Romeo and Julian

by TheBlackBane



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bullying, First Love, Harassment, M/M, Rape, Rape Recovery, Self-Harm, Transgender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2020-11-22 17:28:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20877971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlackBane/pseuds/TheBlackBane
Summary: Set in Riverdale - around the time the Black Hood strikes.You're a transfer student from another school which you left because they discovered your secret - you're a transgender male. Now your parents decided to take you from that school and move from town to town, ending up in Riverdale where you could start a new life with new friends without the past following you. Your first day of school is already eventful as you become friends with Veronica, Betty, Archie and Jughead, and the latter seems to be someone you can't get out of your head.This is an experiment - I'm only at Season 2: episode 13, so I'm catching up! :)





	1. Hello, Riverdale

A week ago you had moved into Riverdale, knowing it is a very small community, but your parents insisted it would be the perfect place to start over again after you had moved from your previous home in a rather large town. You weren’t that opposed to being in a place where nobody knew you and you could have a clean slate without having the past haunt you at every turn. To be honest, Riverdale sounded ideal if anything, and the house you were able to live in was quite an improvement from your former house - your room was larger in comparison and its layout was more modern and easier to navigate. You persuaded yourself that your parents only wanted what was good for you, and if that meant leaving everything behind to make you happy, they would make that sacrifice, and that they did. 

Today was the first day that you would be going to Riverdale High - it wasn’t far away from where your house was located, so you could easily go there on foot or on the bicycle you had. You dreaded getting up in the morning, especially because you had been worrying the entire night about what the day would turn out to be, and that meant you were sleep deprived and looking as lively as a zombie. You didn’t have much choice in the matter, though, you had to attend school and you weren’t going to get past it, not even if you skipped it, because your parents would discover it if you weren’t present in class. The truth was that you didn’t mind school, you minded the  _ people _ in it. You weren’t fond of people, you never had been, and your situation made you even more prone to avoid them like they were a disease that could eat away at your flesh. They were like a plague.

After you spent the last ten minutes refusing to get up and imagining every possible scenario that could happen on this bad day, you forced yourself out of bed and sighed out with reluctance to even get dressed. Your wardrobe was lacking in colors - most of them were different shades of black, grey, white and perhaps even some purple because it happened to be your favourite color. Finally, you decided on wearing a black beanie with a long sleeved shirt, a jacket and black pants with matching black boots that had straps and spikes on them. You were definitely into the punk-goth style that you had going - likely appealing to your dark mind and heart that would color one’s hand black if they’d ever touch it. But before you were able to dress yourself, you had to take out a black binder to keep your chest tightly wrapped and as flat as it could possibly get: it was a horrible feeling to not be able to breathe properly, but it wouldn’t be as terrible as being misgendered. Perhaps one day, you wouldn’t feel trapped anymore in your own body, but for the moment, you had to endure, if it was possible.

Going into the bathroom, you took care of yourself and went downstairs afterwards to get some breakfast with your parents - your father had found a job with a local construction company that was led by Fred Andrews and your mother stayed at home to clean. They were both in their sixties and you felt bad that your father still had to work at this age, but you couldn’t help the situation. Hell, you could barely help yourself, leave alone someone else. After you sat down, you made yourself a quick sandwich to eat, with your mother and father drinking coffee and eying you as if they had something to say, but they seemed to be holding back. You noticed their gaze on you as you eventually sighed: ‘’What? I’m not dressing differently if that’s what you’re thinking of.’’ They glanced at eachother before resuming with their coffee, although you felt uneasy. Truthfully, you hadn’t come out that long ago, and it was different for them to adjust to you - you never were a girly girl, and it didn’t come as a surprise that you identified as a male all along, but changing pronouns was still a challenge for them, and misgendering happened daily - all day. It’s one of the reasons you hated being home because they didn’t seem to put in the effort of thinking before speaking and that hurt.

With breakfast finished, you grabbed your bag, your phone and your headphone as you turned on the music in your phone. It ranged from rap to metal and everything else, aslong it sounded decent to you, you weren’t all too picky. With music filling your ears, you headed to Riverdale High with thoughts surfacing again. First off, were you the only transgender in this town? Does anyone from your former home know you’re here? Will they try to bully you? It was the big reason you left your former school; they discovered you weren’t male physically and that’s when the bullying started from the entire school - every class was in on it and your life felt like a hell that would never end. You got called names, they said nasty things online and they even went as far as kicking you - all of that led to leaving as you couldn’t go one minute without being bothered by someone. Being hated for being yourself...that was unfair.

~~

Finally, you arrived at Riverdale High - it was an impressive sight with the colors of gold and blue representing the entire school. You heard it had a good reputation with little bullying and the teachers were friendly, atleast that’s what your parents had told you. Not like you had a choice to pick another school because your father needed the job, and you couldn’t argue with that. You already had your school schedule, so you knew what class you had and what topic, but your anxiety was acting up with everyone eying you in the hallways - new faces stood out like a sore thumb and you already felt like they were judging you. The way you looked, the way you dressed, hell, even the way you walked - they’d always find a reason to get you. You rounded the corner where nobody was standing, taking a moment for yourself as you breathed in and tried to compose yourself as nerves consumed you, making it even more strenuous to breathe as the binder pressured your chest. Eventually, you adjusted the strap of your bag on your shoulder and went around the corner again, only to stumble into someone; the impact made the other person fall to the ground and you managed to balance your footing before that would happen. You looked down at the person and guilt washed over you as you moved a hand to extend to her, which she took and got upto her feet again.

‘’Thank you, you’re such a gentleman. It’s so unfortunate that this school is lacking in such. But enough of that - I’m Veronica Lodge, and you are new. I know that because I am too, so who are you?’’ You blinked a few times and retracted your hand from her manicured one, gazing over her fashionable clothing that could belong to royalty. ‘’I’m Y/N..- I just moved here a week ago and this is my first day. I hope you didn’t get hurt because I wasn’t looking properly..’’ Veronica most definitely didn’t appear hurt by the fall, and if so, she wasn’t showing it. ‘’Ofcourse not! I’m not made of glass, you know. It’s nice to meet you, and as being the former new student in this school, I feel obligated to lead you to your classroom.’’ You raised your brows, though you didn’t seem to mind it much. You just didn’t want to burden her as you kept the paper in your hand with your class specifics on it. She seemed to notice it, and snatched it from your hand, looking it over with a bright smile. ‘’This is great news! We’re in the same class. Now follow me, Y/N, it’s right over here. We’re running a little late, mind you.’’

She handed you your paper back along the way and you stuffed it inside your bag as your headphones rested around your neck, silenced by now as you were headed for class, and you felt a pit of worry in your stomach. Veronica stopped near the class door and looked at you, sensing your unease as she placed her arms on your shoulders and brushed your shoulders, as if trying to inspire confidence, smiling once again with dark crimson lips. ‘’Don’t worry, you’re going to be alright.’’ You nodded in return, in gratitude for the most part as you followed after Veronica as she opened the door and you sauntered after her. Your eyes fell onto the classroom that was filled with students, and those students were looking at you in return. The teacher was in mid-sentence about history as he regarded you and gestured you closer. ‘’Students, this is Y/N, and he is a transfer from another school. He will be attending Riverdale High from now on, so please welcome him with open arms.’’ Your nerves were completely consuming you at this point, and you felt your heart rapidly beating inside your chest as your eyes weren’t sure where they were supposed to be looking. You managed to calm yourself, offering your thanks to the teacher as Veronica waved you over and patted the empty chair next to her, in which you sat down.

You unpacked your bag and placed your books on the desk infront of you, specifically a book in which you had your drawings and a notebook for classes, alongside the book for history class, which you were attending now. Infront of you sat a boy with a beanie aswell, next to him sat a blonde girl, and next to her sat a red-haired boy. They all looked at you, although they were making eye-contact with Veronica, who was telling them to do something by the mere use of her expressions, which seemed to work as they began talking to you. The boy with the red hair wore a Bull Dogs jacket of the school colors, eying you with a welcoming smile as he nodded. ‘’I’m Archie Andrews. Your father works with my father, right? I thought I recognized you.’’ You nodded in return and then looked towards the blonde girl who jumped into the conversation. ‘’I’m Betty Cooper - and don’t mind Jughead over here. We both work in the Blue and Gold - it’s the schoolpaper, so try giving it a read if you can. It’s really nice to meet you, Y/N.’’ Your gaze averted from Archie to Betty, and then to Jughead who simply eyed you in silence - you figured he wasn’t a man of many words and you were okay with that. Infact, you weren’t someone who talked alot either, but you blamed it on shame.

Veronica still smiled, although she was staring at Jughead with a ‘I swear if you do this’ stare that implied she definitely had influence on him. Jughead had turned in his chair, and folded his arms over the chair’s back (which was infront of him now) and leaned onto it as he stared at you. ‘’Hey.’’ He simply stated as his eyes focused on yours, which made you wonder why he was acting like he did, though you figured this was how he usually acted around everyone. Betty’s eyes widened slightly as she watched the interaction between me and Jughead, and Archie wasn’t sure on how to respond, although he seemed glad his friend actually spoke, which was shown as Jughead moved his eyes from you to Veronica with a teasing gleam in them, and then smiled at Archie and Betty. ‘’It’s nice to meet you all. Thanks for taking me in. Wouldn’t know what else to do.’’ You said in hesitation, nodding to yourself as they dismissed your gratitude. ‘’We’d be a poor example of students if we didn’t welcome you.’’ Veronica cut in again. Archie smirked at her as he shook his head. ‘’You’ll get used to Ronnie, she’s a Lodge - they’re royalty here.’’

You heard someone else intervene, and it wasn’t those you were seated with. Infact, it was a red haired girl that sat a little further ahead, but not enough as she overheard everything that was being said. She pursed her bright crimson lips and smiled in a sarcastic way: ‘’The Lodges are a poor example. The Blossoms are the  _ real _ royalty here, and if you ever need help, come to me, Y/N. Don’t especially associate yourself with Hobo and Hobo Bride over there.’’ She jabbed a finger towards Jughead and Betty, which earned a glare in return from the pair. Veronica didn’t seem hurt, however, as she simply retorted with ease: ‘’I’ll be certain to direct him to you if he ever feels the need for  _ drugs _ , Cheryl. Thank you so much.’’ Cheryl scoffed in return, likely not pleased over the fact that Veronica attacked her like that, although you weren’t sure what they were even talking about. To be honest, you weren’t focusing much on what the teacher was saying, or the conversation nearby, you were eying Jughead who had shifted in his seat again to write something down. 

From that moment on, you sat with them in every single class, in the same exact places.

~~

You were exhausted from this day of school and you were so glad this was the final class. It felt like you had been here for centuries and you felt the pressure more prominently on your chest by now. You know you shouldn’t be wearing it for longer than eight hours, but you didn’t care much for your own health at this point, but you could feel the suffocating sensation that made it feel as though you couldn’t breathe anymore. It took a minute for you to gather yourself as everyone was leaving the class and the teacher had sat down in his chair, writing some things down on a paper, but you weren’t concerned with that. You sighed out deeply as you wanted to get up, although as soon as you decided on that, your sketchbook fell from the table and open on two pages filled with more of your macabre art that exposed that dark side of yourself - something you weren’t especially keen on showing others because you always felt like you were a weirdo that liked drawing monsters, serial killers and an abundance of gore that would deter any normal person from befriending you.

The book was picked up and looked at, though as you craned your head to see who it was, your heart stopped for a moment as Jughead was inspecting your drawings with a judgemental gaze. He even had the gut to skip further through your sketchbook to see what else was drawn inside of it, and as more as he looked, the more nervous you became as silence passed. After a few good minutes, he closed the book and handed it back to you with a stare that didn’t reveal how he felt about your choice of art. Jughead Jones, an odd name for sure, but what’s nice about being normal? Nothing, really, except if you like ‘normal’, as having a normal body that aligns with your head, but that wasn’t important in this moment. Your hand grabbed your black sketchbook and you looked aside, clearing your throat. ‘’They’re good.’’ Jughead said as he stuffed his hands in his jacket, looking rather sleep-deprived as yourself. ‘’Really good.’’ You narrowed your eyes, as if you weren’t sure if you had misheard him, though you managed to look up at him. ‘’You like them? Really?’’ Jughead nodded a few firm times in response, tilting his head to the side. ‘’Thanks..- I don’t hear that everyday. It’s a relief someone else likes my style.’’ 

~~

After that day, you knew you would be friends with them. They were all kind and caring, and funny too now you think about it, but you appreciated Veronica and Jughead the most at the moment, even if Jughead wasn’t a very open or talkative person, you saw alot of good in him, and you even thought you two were similar in more ways than one. You felt more comfortable in school with them being around you and comforting you when you needed it, and you knew this wouldn’t be like your other school. You walked home without any problems and when you arrived, you greeted your mother who was cooking and head up to your room to change your clothing. You took your top clothing off and eventually removed the binder, taking a deep inhale as you saw the vague discolored skin near your ribs that hinted at something, but you didn’t want to bother with it. Your eyes then averted to your arms that were covered in old scars that covered every inch of them, and new cuts were present along the top of your arm, healing gradually.

You had a few ways of coping: music, drawing, writing and self-harm. If the first three didn’t help, you’d resort to the latter, and the latter was especially dangerous, but also helpful because it made you forget about the storm of thoughts in your head and made you focus on the pain you were feeling. Your parents didn’t know, but you had attempted to end your life a fair few times, but even then you knew you weren’t confident enough to actually go all the way - you were a coward when it came to inflicting pain on yourself and you believed you deserved the pain. People had made you feel that way.

A freak, a dyke, an abomination, a girl. A phase..

This wasn’t a phase. This was you - a man in the wrong body, having to suffer because you couldn’t be born in the right body from the start. And if you wanted to be in the body you were meant to have, you would have to undergo much more pain, and alot of people would get involved, and you didn’t want that. Why do they have to know? It’s unfair. You quickly put on an oversized hoodie and sat with your mom for dinner as your father would be late.

Jughead Jones..

You thought of him before you fell asleep into a deep slumber.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a few weeks since you had integrated yourself into Riverdale and its community, although fitting in had never been your priority when you first arrived. The town was rather small compared to where you came from and that was a problem for the future if your secret ever was exposed. It would spread like a wildfire, raging through the town and consuming everyone on its path. You’d hate to think that day would come, but if it did, you’d want to be prepared in attempt to douse the fire with all you’ve got. 

The relationship with your parents became more strained and you felt pressured every single day, as if you were treading on ice and you had to be careful not to break it. There were cracks on the surface and you carefully had to choose your footing, or you’d fall through. Spending time with your parents when you came from school wasn’t exactly something you were looking forward to; you even tried to stay at school for a while longer, even after your classes had ended, only to avoid your parents and their misgendering. There was not one day that they wouldn’t use the right pronouns, intentionally or not, they didn’t seem to make an effort to think and then act. You knew it was not easy for them, but you figured that if you truly cared, you wouldn’t forget, you would prioritize that, especially because it’s rather important and it would hurt the person if you didn’t choose your words carefully. It was safe to say you were frustrated to the point you’d rather be alone than having to spend time with your parents and being seen as a girl, despite not being one in your head. You couldn’t help your body didn’t align with your head, yet you had to suffer for it every single day.

~~

Today was another of those days. When your last class had ended and you had avoided your close group of friends, you moved to one of the remote classrooms that was empty, only so you could spend some time there on your own without being bothered by anyone. You appreciated the friends you had made: Veronica, Archie, Betty and Jughead, but you had a habit of distancing yourself from people when your dysphoria became the victor: infact, the pain that you endured physically and mentally was so unbearable you often couldn’t find the will to live anymore. Everything around you felt dark and twisted, turning against you and trying to tear you apart like the worthless, ugly, freak you are. You didn’t think you deserved to live. Some people were fighting cancer and other ailments, and you were healthy, but complaining about something as petty as dysphoria. In comparison, it looked like you were such a whiner - that you were ungrateful and couldn’t be happy with what you had.

School had ended for a few hours and they were closing soon, so you couldn’t stay much longer. You always told your parents that you had so many hours per day, and they didn’t question you, but it was a painful lie to tell the people you supposedly love. You shook your head as you stared at the page infront of you: your sketchbook was your most prized possession because it was an outlet for your creativity when you were at school and drawing in it managed to assuage your worries for a brief while. Your drawing of today represented yourself, falling down infront of a mirror with a binder on and your hair short. However, the mirror’s reflection didn’t appear as your own, instead, what was seen was a malformed creature with empty eye-sockets and claws that reached out for you. You  _ hated _ yourself, that much was obvious, and this drawing struck you to the core. You breathed out through your nose as you packed up everything and stood up, feeling a sting at your chest from the damage the binder had inflicted on you. This caused your bag to fall onto the floor, which caused quite the noise which reverberated throughout the large classroom. You reached for the desk in order to support yourself as you felt the pain, gritting your teeth together as you suddenly heard the door open.

When the light from the hallway cast itself on the figure at the door entrance, you quickly gathered your bag and straightened yourself because the individual could make an assessment of the situation. Jughead Jones stood at the door, watching you silently for a minute before he approached you and finally determined who you were. He seemed quite paranoid, but that was understandable - the Black Hood was on the loose, and who better to attack than a student who was all alone? Which raised a question as to why Jughead was even here to begin with. ‘’Y/N. What are you doing here? In the dark?’’ You had to think of an answer now, and you figured it was the best choice to be honest towards him, because Jughead was quite an intelligent boy - he did work for the school paper, so he did his homework. As you ignored the pain that soared through you, you looked around for a moment before your eyes moved to his, albeit vaguely. ‘’Just needed time for myself..- things are not good at home.’’ Jughead folded his arms across the span of his chest and steepled a hand to his chin, rubbing it in thought, perhaps even relating to it. ‘’Tell me about it.’’ He replied, likely thinking of his father.

This wasn’t the scenario you had in mind for today. Infact, being with Jughead Jones all alone was the one thing you didn’t want to happen, because it was quite obvious to yourself that you had developed a crush for him. You despised yourself for falling for the one person that was out of your league - his appearance, his ‘love interest’, which seemed to be Betty, and his intelligence. He was way too good for you and you knew it. As Jughead’s gaze drifted off towards the windows, the darkness of the evening was the only thing to be seen, and you knew you were running late for dinner. ‘’I…- I should get going.’’ You said, reluctant to spend more time with him on your own as you struggled to look at anything else than him. As you tried to pass him, you felt his gaze drill into you before being stopped in your tracks by a hand that gripped your arm. ‘’You’ve been avoiding us.’’ You swallowed a lump in your throat, not only because of the question, but also because  _ he _ was touching you. You weren’t one for physical contact, not from anyone, and especially not from your crush who made it difficult for you to breathe. ‘’I know, I just…- it’s not your fault, or the others’, I just close myself off.’’ Jughead loosened the grip on your arm before releasing it as he felt you tense up, vaguely nodding. ‘’Well, don’t. We’re here for you.’’ 

Your gaze averted ahead and then downward before you nodded in response to his words. You didn’t want to admit it, but you appreciated his words, it felt like you could go to them with anything that was on your mind and they wouldn’t turn you away. You knew they were extremely loyal and supportive with their friends and family and you couldn’t remember the last time that someone cared this much about you. It was quite strange to feel that you mattered to people, least of all to a few of them. You eventually offered a last glance in his direction and walked to the door before opening it and closing it behind you.

~~

You walked through the darkness of the evening without any hint of fear, even when people were afraid of who the next victim of the Black Hood would be. You didn’t hold that fear, though, as you knew you weren’t important enough to kill. You weren’t anyone important, or anyone that would make a difference if you were killed, but if he happened to target you...well, you’d thank him, as you wouldn’t have to the guts to take your own life. Perhaps that would be a decent way to die - murdered by a serial killer who’d target sinners. Maybe you were a sinner for not being thankful for being alive without any diseases orso. Jigsaw definitely would have a say in the matter..

As you arrived home, you closed the door behind you and immediately moved to the kitchen to see your parents were already having dinner. You expected your father would be home already since you stayed at school longer than usually today, so you weren’t all that surprise they didn’t wait for you. ‘’Evening.’’ You muttered as you placed your bag against the table’s foot and shrugged your coat off, draping it over the chair as you then washed your hands and sat down. Your mother took the liberty of plating up your food, although it was clear you weren’t really famished - you hadn’t been in years, and food was not something you could look forward to. ‘’How was school today? You’re rather late today, B/N.’’ You stared at your place of vegetables, potatoes and chicken, furrowing your brows as your birth name was mentioned instead of your chosen name. You felt the urge to jump up and leave the table, and you felt the urge to throw the plate against your mother’s face for not even trying to use your right name. Instead, you controlled your urges and looked at them. ‘’Y/N…- that’s my name. Not what you said…’’ Your mother stared at you for a moment and then sighed out, eying your father shortly after who seemed to be indifferent. ‘’Sure thing.’’ Your mom said, sounding annoyed and continued with her food. You stabbed your fork at the chicken a few times, prodding it here and there as the juice oozed out of its tender form.

This is exactly what you hated. Situations like these were you were disregarded and disrespected because you were just a ‘kid’, and they were they parents. The power dynamic was sickening. Even if you corrected them, they’d just shrug it off and still think they’re right and did nothing wrong, and it went like this every single time. ‘’I’m not hungry, so I’ll be upstairs. Call me when you’re finished.’’ You stated as you got up and you collected your bag and coat, placing the coat with the others and moving upstairs with the strap of your bag on your shoulder. You closed your bedroom door and threw the bag on the ground, sinking down onto the bed with a conflicted expression. You wanted to say you hated your parents, but...wasn’t it rather you hated how inconsiderate they were? Eventually, you changed your clothing and stripped yourself from the binder, which revealed the two tumors on your chest and the bruising that became darker and more prominent. You internally cringed at the sight and covered yourself again. You looked through your phone at your contacts, Archie, Betty, Jughead...Veronica. You eventually dialled Veronica, considering you felt like she was the first person to actually help you out, and you figured that maybe she’d like hanging out with you tomorrow. Maybe make up for the time you’ve been ignoring them lately. 

‘’Hey, Ronnie…- sorry for being distant.. - just alot on my mind lately. Do you want to come over tomorrow after school? Maybe we can watch some movies or something if you like.’’ Veronica Lodge - royalty they say - but she didn’t seem like a stuck-up bitch. She was rather friendly and sweet, even if she was rather diva-like sometimes. Veronica seemed surprised that you had called, but she was receptive to your invite and you felt relieved to hear she wanted to come with you after school, although she mentioned her parents might not be as pleased with her talking to a nobody, but she didn’t care much. ‘’We best watch romantic movies, because I cannot stand horror movies and I know you are the type for those. Just like Jughead. You and him are too similar.’’ She stated in a matter of fact, knowing she was right, you didn’t want to oppose her words and laughed a little. ‘’Probably. I’ve plenty of other movies, so I think we’ll be alright. See you soon.’’ Shortly after, you heard someone yell.

‘’B/N! -...Y/-...Y/N! We’re done!’’ Your mom called at the end of the staircase as you eventally pushed the phone into your sweatpants and ventured down with a heavy sigh. You could hear your parents talk to eachother as you went down, and you were always rather silent when you went down. Much like a force of habit. ‘’She’s just going through a phase, believe me. She’s just a tomboy.’’ Your mother said as your father grunted lowly and replied: ‘’Let’s hope so, I want grandchildren, but with her…- feels like a ‘boy’, she probably’s a lesbian too. When she brings girls over, we have to make sure they don’t get intimate in this house.’’ You froze on the staircase as you overheard them and you couldn’t believe what they were discussing. Your identity...your sexuality...why was the latter even their business? You sank down on the stairs with a heavy thud and forced yourself to hold back your tears. Your parents seemed to have overheard and walked out of the kitchen, your mother in particular. ‘’..Come on, don’t be like that.’’ She tried, and you simply stared at the ground. ‘’It’s fine if you’re a lesbian. We can try and get used to that..’’ Your heart felt like it was stabbed through with a blade at this point. You felt pain - sadness, anger and everything else puddling up.

‘’I’m..- I’m a  _ BOY!  _ Y/N is my name! I’m not _ -... _ my sexuality is my own business! _ ’’  _ You could feel rage inside yourself as your mother stared at you. ‘’B/N, you’re just confused. You’re our daughter…- we can go back to how it was before. I can ask the school to assign you as female again.’’ Your hands balled into fists at this point as you turned around and ran upstairs before closing the door shut behind you with such force that it should’ve come off its hinges.

You threw yourself onto the bed and the tears finally escaped your eyes, running down your face without ending. You hated how they couldn’t understand you. Why did they have to be like this? This wasn’t a phase...you couldn’t stop reminding them. You had to correct them every day. You eventually opened up a drawer and fished out your scissors before lifting up the sleeve of your left arm and split the scissors - the sharp edge eventually sank into your skin and you drew it with force across your arms, several times over several places. The first few attempts didn’t draw blood, so you tried again with more pressure and it succeeded: several deep cuts surfaced and blood began to trickle down your arm as you breathed out. A strange sensation of relief came over you as the pain started, feeling oddly pleased with the sight. Why wouldn’t you bring yourself to end it? To escape this miserable life…- maybe that would help everyone.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, you barely managed to sleep at all through the night. The pain that stung in the newly made cuts kept you awake, as did the countless of thoughts. Your parents were such horrible people sometimes and you wished you could live somewhere else where they would be more accepting, or atleast acknowledge you as a male. The person who you were meant to be from the very beginning. It was a long journey of self-discovery and figuring out who you were and what you were supposed to be when you were born. Your parents always forced you to dress a certain way, but you eventually grew out of that and chose your own clothing style that was that of a boy and it felt comfortable and right. When you were younger, you thought you were just that: a tomboy. But as you became older, you did quite the effort to hide your chest, even if your hair was long, you never felt the need to put on make-up or show off any curve you had. When you finally learned of being transgender, everything just clicked and that was the moment you could finally recognize who you are.

Being trapped in your own body is never pleasant. But you had gather yourself for today and get ready for what was to come. You were sleep deprived and you looked paler than usually - you had bags under your eyes and you most definitely weren’t in the mood for people’s nonsense today. The cuts on your left arm still hurt, but you managed to ignore them during your morning shower and afterwards got dressed in your usual dark clothing which made your features stand out even more in contrast. You thought you looked like a zombie, while some people actually seem to have a thing for boyish boys like yourself who were pale and hating life. You didn’t find yourself appealing whatsoever - as a girl, your features were too boyish, but as a boy, your features were too girly. It was a tough situation, but you never considered yourself to be attractive in any sort of way. Infact, you thought you looked like Smeagol from the Lord of the Rings, or maybe you were a distant relative of his. That briefly amused you.

As you went downstairs, you didn’t even pay attention to your parents and ignored them like the plague before heading out and making your way to Riverdale High. You didn’t want to be late as you’d be stared at by everyone, so being there before everyone arrived would grant you the special privilege of picking out your own chair. It wasn’t that special - everyone had their usual seats, but there were times people tried to be a dick towards you. Especially Reggie Mantle. In the recent days, he seemed to have been favouring bullying you in certain ways and you were rather fed up with his antics. You hoped he would never cross the line, though, because your life was horrible enough at this point, and like any cornered predator, it’s bound to strike back. You walked through the hallway and made your way towards the classroom, although Reggie seemed to have been coming from the opposite direction and immediately flashed what some considered to be a charming smile in your way. You could state you felt nauseous by his face alone, or perhaps it was his brainless jockey attitude that did it. ‘’Hey, you got a second?’’ He said in a questionable manner, though you could feel he was plotting something. You passed the lockers before you stared at him and simply decided to ignore him for now, though Reggie Mantle didn’t like to be ignored. As he noticed you didn’t heed him any attention, he moved towards you and forcefully grabbed the front of your jacket and bashed you against the lockers. 

The force was painful, especially with the bruising on your ribs, but you didn’t seem phased by his aggression. You lifted your weary stare up at his and kept your hands at your sides, allowing them to hang there like they weren’t functional. ‘’I asked you something. You know I don’t like it when certain nerds like you don’t listen. Maybe you need to be taught some respect.’’ He lifted his brows as a smile ran over his lips again, maybe so in a malicious way as you seemed immune to his taunting. You couldn’t care any less for him, or his threats.

‘’Right. Make it quick because class is starting in a minute.’’ You spewed out, indifferently, which seemed to anger him even more, though you could tell that his words were empty. You didn’t believe he would inflict any sort of serious harm upon you, and he was merely doing this to feel powerful, much like most bullies. ‘’Just you wait..- not done with you.’’ He answered in response as he tightened the grip on your jacket. You were well aware that he was pulling your jacket, and not the hoodie below, and you were somehow grateful, because that might’ve exposed your secret. A big reason to avoid physical contact. He eventually pulled you forward and bashed you against the locker behind you again before releasing you with a frustrated grunt. ‘’Watch your back. We’re coming for you.’’ 

The pain was felt, especially because he was physically quite strong and he used quite the force, but not all of it. You could determine such. As you were about to follow after Reggie into the classroom, you could hear someone walking behind you, which appeared to be Jughead Jones who likely had caught some of what had happened, but not the entirety of it. ‘’Y/N, what was Mantle doing here?’’ You cringed internally as Jughead was here again, with you, alone, and that made you quite annoyed as you didn’t want to be alone with him. Not again. But you admitted that it wasn’t annoyance that played a part, it was more like nerves consumed you and you couldn’t concentrate when he was in your vicinity. Your heart would always beat like mad whenever he showed up or even so much looked at you, and then you doomed yourself for the rest of the day for feeling like you did. You couldn’t afford to feel like this - you’d get disappointed, hurt and eventually you’d feel sorry for yourself. He’s straight and he is with Betty, atleast that’s what you thought. ‘’He’s just being a dick. Likely because he’s not getting enough affection at home and now he’s trying to make himself feel better by putting people down and likely imagining them to be one of his parents. ‘Look at me, I’m Reggie, I’m strong, dumb and mean! So cool!...’ ‘’ You mocked the man as Jughead stared at you for a minute and managed a grin in response. ‘’He doesn’t like me much either, but the feeling’s mutual. Think he’s jealous we were born with brains. Atleast he’ll be safe if zombies ever go after humans.’’ You couldn’t hold back your own grin, shaking your head and gesturing with your head inside the classroom which wasn’t that far away.

You greeted the teacher and then ventured to the back of the classroom with Jughead who sat infront of you, seemingly lost in his own world again. You did like the moments alone you had with him….they felt special in a way, because nobody would be able to take those away from you. You unpacked your things and placed it on the desk, waiting for class to begin and the rest of the students began to fill up the classroom. Veronica and Archie arrived at the same time and you could tell they had something going on, they were always in sync with eachother and you found that rather fascinating to see. Betty soon followed after and sat next to Jughead, which drew his attention as he smiled towards her. A part of you was jealous, but you couldn’t show such emotions, you couldn’t be that kind of person. You finally felt a tap on your arm by a manicured hand and you directed your attention towards Veronica who was smiling at you. ‘’I’m looking forward to later. But I can’t stay for very long, I hope you don’t mind that. One movie, most possibly.’’ You inclined your head and you noticed Archie peering at you as you tilted your head with a questionable expression. ‘’I don’t have to worry about you stealing her from me, right?’’ He smirked, indicating he was merely joking which you understood. ‘’I don’t have your bright red hair, Archie, so I think that’s impossible.’’ Archie seemed amused by that, though the teacher soon garnered your attention as class commenced.

During the next classes of the day, you felt yourself being distracted by Jughead’s presence. You always tried to look elsewhere, even at Reggie so you could feel annoyed by his presence instead of being nervous because of Jughead, but it seemed an impossible task. But you did keep yourself to Jughead’s words: you were trying to lessen your distance from them and actually talk to them most of the day, even if that cost you alot of energy. Though you mostly wanted to keep yourself away from Betty because she seemed head over heels for Jughead and who were you to get in the way of true love? A nobody, precisely. You were mature enough to understand that you couldn’t win a battle that was already lost, so there was no point in trying to conquer Jughead for yourself. As you heard the bell, you were relieved that you could finally have lunch, which meant that you could finally relax a little as you headed for the restrooms and told the rest you’d catch up with them. Going to the restrooms was always something you dreaded - but you went to the male ones, because you were one. You washed your hands with cold water and eventually splashed some of it onto your face in attempt to wake up some more, as you still felt half-asleep for the most part. The reflection in the mirror was looking back at you with a painful stare, though you dismissed it.

Some minutes had passed in the restroom as you turned to exit, but soon enough Reggie and some others of the Bulldogs pushed through the entrance. Reggie seemed pleasantly surprised by finding you alone, which showed by his amused expression, which was as smug as ever. One of the Bulldogs even stood at the door, blocking it as you were forced to step back several feet to create distance between yourself and Reggie. ‘’What do you want?’’ You asked in an annoyed tone as your patience was running thing. ‘’Oh, you’re about to find out. Told you, you should’ve watched your back.’’ Realization dawned upon you, and you finally understood what he meant - he was going to get violent, that was as clear as daylight. ‘’I’ve never done anything wrong to you, Mantle.’’ Your brows furrowed slightly as he approached, like a predator nearing its prey. You felt yourself back up as you hit the stone wall of the restroom, which was cold and rigid to the touch. He extended his right arm and placed it aside of your head on the wall, palm flat against the tile. ‘’I don’t need a reason. You annoy me and that’s enough.’’ You sighed out. This was feeling like some kind of bad high school movie. ‘’So you beat up people to feel better about yourself because you don’t get attention at home? I thought you’d atleast understand how it feels, but hey, apparently you’re just as stupid as you look.’’

The other Bulldogs made an ‘oooooh’ sound at the supposed roast you made, though that clearly ignited more anger inside the Bulldogs’ captain. His left hand balled into a fist at his side as he leaned in closer towards you, inspecting your features with an unsettling stare. ‘’I’m waiting, or are you just going to stare and try to come up with something clever?’’ You continued mocking him, since you were on a roll already, and you didn’t care much for your own health. The friends of Reggie seemed to watch the scene unfold eagerly, urging Reggie to retort. Reggie seemed to have been triggered by your words, now more than ever as his left hand, now a fist, tried to punch you right in the gut. Although, none were aware that you were trained in martial arts, and you had been for years in your old town. As you took notice of his hand, you captured it with your own hand and eventually launched your left hand to his airpipe, which caused him to start coughing, keeling over as you shoved him back. For good measure, you send your knee flying into his gut which now dropped him to the floor as your glare now was sent to the others of the team. ‘’Want to line up with him?’’ They didn’t seem happy with the outcome of the situation, but the one at the door did move away to let you through and you quickly made your way to the others who were having their lunch. You had been gone for about fifteen minutes now, and that caused the others to wonder about why you were gone for so long. Veronica was the first to inquire about your prolonged absence. ‘’I hope you were not doing anything unsavoury in the restrooms, Y/N.’’ You grunted and shook your head, seating yourself next to her. ‘’Wouldn’t call it that. Though something unsavoury did walk in.’’ 

Jughead lifted a vague brow and Betty, Archie and Veronica peered at you, likely for you to continue. ‘’What?’’ You said. ‘’Well, what’s happened? You were gone for long.’’ Veronica added, and Archie nodded in return. ‘’Yeah. We started to draw our own conclusions.’’ Archie chimed in, grinning again. ‘’I just...had a run-in with Mantle again.’’ Jughead leaned forth some on the table and narrowed his eyes. ‘’Don’t tell me he followed you in there.’’ You couldn’t lie, and you didn’t want to. You simply inclined your head in confirmation. ‘’He and some others of the team, though Mantle was the only one getting violent.’’ Archie seemed to have a particular interest in the subject, likely because he and Reggie had some history. ‘’He attacked you, Y/N?’’ He probed. Veronica and Betty seemed worried, and Jughead appeared angry if his expression was any indication. ‘’He tried to, I kind of beat him, though.’’ Veronica’s brows raised upto her forehead and she helds her hands up. ‘’Wait. You beat  _ him? _ ’’ You blinked and nodded. ‘’Yeah. That’s what I said. Why?’’ Veronica shared looks with the others, a knowing look. ‘’That might cause even more problems. He might report what you’ve done, or he might become even worse with his pestering. Physically. He’ll want revenge after being humiliated infront of his team.’’ Veronica concluded. ‘’Well, what was I supposed to do…- I know martial arts. I trained in judo for years and that was self-defense..’’

‘’We’ll see what happens. Just be careful..’’ Betty said reassuringly as she smiled towards you. You appreciated her concern, like with Archie and Veronica, but Jughead seemed to be on the warpath as he sat there, brooding. Betty placed her hand on Jughead’s shoulder and squeezed it in attempt to soothen him. ‘’Don’t bring the Serpents into this..’’ She said lowly to him, recognizing the dark look in his eyes. He regarded her briefly before staring at you again with something intense. The bell soon rang again as classes continued and you got up from your seat to follow the others, though you sensed that Jughead in particular was keeping an eye on you.

Reggie was giving you this warning glare in the next few classes, promising revenge, although there was a sense of embarrassment by being beaten up by someone who didn’t appear all that strong. Reggie’s first mistake was to bully someone he underestimated. You don’t know either why you warranted his attention, but you supposed you were glad because that meant he left Jughead alone. You had seen their animosity plenty of times.

As the final class had ended, you were eager to make your way back home with Veronica. Though you gave her time to say goodbye to Archie with a kiss, and Archie waved at you. Jughead and Betty walked off together and didn’t say much, though it appeared that Betty was trying to talk to him about something serious and it appeared important. ‘’Alright. That’s that. Let’s go.’’ Veronica said and you smiled towards her, exiting the school and walking towards your home in a steady pace. ‘’Don’t mind my parents too much…- my mom should be home, but just a warning. They’re old and...old fashioned. They don’t understand this generation much.’’ You told Veronica, pushing your hands into the pockets of your pants. ‘’Your mother had you at a very late age?’’ You nodded again. ‘’She did, but I also have a half-brother. Different fathers.’’ She dipped her head as she looked around for a moment. ‘’I would’ve loved a sibling. But I doubt anyone else but me can handle my parents. Perhaps for the best. They do enjoy their games.’’ You seemed a little confused by that, eying Veronica questionably. ‘’Games? Like mind games?’’ Veronica brushed a hand through her ebony tresses as the wind pushed it out of order and she corrected it. ‘’Exactly. It’s a Lodge thing.’’

The two of you finally arrived at your destination and you procured the house key, opening the door and closing it behind you after Veronica stepped inside. You then looked around to see if your mother was around, which you were hoping was not, because misgendering would be the thing you couldn’t afford with Veronica present. You sighed in relief as your mother wasn’t home, most likely out in town, shopping or doing something else as she hated being cooped up in the house all day. Fortunately today was a day she wasn’t home. ‘’Seems she’s not home…- anyway, do you want something to drink? I got snacks upstairs.’’ Veronica looked around the house and her eyes soon returned to yours. ‘’Just soda is fine. You’ve got quite a pleasant home too, now I see it.’’ You didn’t agree much, but you knew your house was considerably large. Your room was larger too, which meant more space to move. ‘’True. Our last house was pretty small. This is like a huge upgrade in comparison.’’ You opened the fridge and took out some smaller bottle of soda, which you took with you before gesturing upstairs. Your door was plastered with a ‘STAY OUT’ poster, alongside a ‘GAMER AT WORK’, sign. Veronica smiled at that, opening the door and setting foot inside your humble abode that is your room. It had blue, black and purple walls, decorated with posters of metal bands, rappers, games and actors from movie. Though your shelves, desks and such were littered with Star Wars memorabilia, aswell as from horror games, Assassin’s Creed and much more.

‘’This would be Jughead’s room if he had one.’’ She stated confidently. ‘’If he had one?’’ You questioned. ‘’He’s staying with his father, but I’m not sure for how long. They have a troubled relationship as far as my knowledge goes. You often remind me of Jughead, but you’re more open with your feelings.’’ You felt bad for Jughead now. No mother in the picture? His father and him had a strained relationship? And you are complaining? You atleast had both parents. ‘’That sucks…- nobody should have such a situation.’’ Veronica moved towards your bed and sat down on it, eying the TV on the desk infront of it. A few movies were laid out on the bed to choose from, so she did just that. ‘’We’ll be watching this one.’’ She picked one up, which was the most romantic one, but also with comedy in it. Atleast you could understand the comedy in it. ‘’Alright…- you’re the guest.’’ You placed the bottles down, and began gathering the bags of candy, chips and cookies and placed it on the bed, alongside a few pillows. ‘’Are you sure Archie’s fine with this?’’ You worried, taking the movie and placing the cd inside your gaming console and turning on the TV. ‘’Ofcourse. He knows we are friends and if he is jealous, it means he only cares.’’ She had a point. ‘’He seems like a great guy. My father works for his, so I’m glad he offered my dad the chance.’’ Her gaze drifted aside for a moment, thoughtfully. ‘’He does make me happy.’’ You nodded with a smile. Veronica seemed a good person aswell, so she deserved happiness. ‘’Right, I’ll start the movie. I just have to go to the bathroom really quick.’’ Veronica sat herself comfortably on the bed, going through the arrangement of foods that were present.

After some minutes, you came back and found Veronica gone from the bed. Instead, she was stood by your desk and was going through some of your drawing. You didn’t think much of it, but you had forgotten something. In her hand was a sketchbook filled with portraits, and the majority of them were of Jughead. Infact, it seemed as though you were obsessed with him. ‘’Your drawing skills are incredible, Y/N...but why do you have so many of Jughead?’’ She arched her brow as her lips curved into an innocent smile. She was hinting at someone. You felt your heart stop for a moment, lifting a hand to scratch the side of your neck as you looked aside. ‘’..I, uh…- he’s easy to draw.’’ You spluttered out. ‘’Ofcourse. You do know what your crush looks like.’’ Veronica was in her element as she showed you the copious amount of drawings of Jughead, all detailed. You thought you had hidden these well enough, but Veronica….- she’s too cunning. ‘’It’s…- no. It’s not like that.’’ You swallowed. Veronica shook her head. ‘’It is. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. This secret is between you and me.’’ 

You wanted to stab yourself, ten times over. Maybe twenty.


End file.
